Of Minds and Memories
by BloodFromTheThorn
Summary: Tony had never really been a careful person but this could hardly be blamed on him. And now all the faces around him are strangers and he would give anything, everything, for a way back. Requested by Calcifer0703. No slash, Pepperony. (contains swears)


_This is a request from Calcifer0703. It got away from me a little bit :/ Oops. I hope you like it :) The first bit is neither fluff nor romance but I felt the need to introduce the story. I also stretched the storyline a little so I'm not really sure it's quite what you asked for but I tried._

_I'm fairly sure that Doombots don't have claws but oh well. Maybe it's a new upgrade or something. Also, please forgive any inaccurate medical information - I'm not a doctor._

_Yes, the title is a nod to Steinbeck._

_Whoever spots the Aladdin quote wins :)_

* * *

The Doombots had come out of nowhere. A moment of dry hysteria had Tony thinking that at this stage the Avengers really _should _be prepared for any eventuality but that didn't change the fact that the whole team with the exception of Bruce and Thor - and possibly Steve but that was touch and go - was entirely screwed. Of course, none of them were unarmed - Clint and Natasha slept with guns in their beds for Christ's sake but Hawkeye was without his bow and Widow her gauntlets and _Tony didn't have his suit. _

There were people fleeing, screaming as they went and the helpless billionaire suddenly realised he couldn't blame them for it as it was taking all of his self control not to do the same. Without the suit he was just a man and just as vulnerable as the rest of them. What good was dirty boxing against a robot?

Hulk was roaring somewhere off to his left and the sounds of destruction filled the air while lighting crackled in the skies above them. Clint and Natasha had managed to vanish, probably taking down enemies from the shadows but Tony found he missed their presence keenly - he felt that he was the only one on the team who hadn't got a hope of fighting right now.

"Tony!" Steve was shouting at him from across the improvised battlefield, waving his arms around frantically. "Get out of here! Get to your suits!" But that wouldn't work and Tony knew it because his bracelets had been in the case that had been in the conference room before it had been blown to hell and his suits might as well have been in Malibu for all the good it did him. There was no way he was going to be able to get across the city to Stark Tower and suit up without something going drastically wrong.

Shaking his head at the Captain, he grabbed the gun from inside his jacket while idly lamenting the loss of another Prada suit. These things weren't exactly cheap. A gun was hardly his chosen method of attack and it would do almost nothing to the armoured Doombots but the weight of it was comforting in his hand and he gripped it like a lifeline.

_'You need a plan yesterday Tony,' _he berated himself, glancing out from behind his cover taking in the scene of a street filled with metal men and the final few screaming civilians who weren't getting out of the way fast enough.

Any sane thought was chased out of his head pretty quickly as a Doombot loomed over him menacingly, metal claws reaching towards him like snares and he responded on pure instinct, bringing up the gun and pounding a full mag into him. The force of the bullets knocked it back but it would take a lot more to bring it down. It seemed that Victor had been spending time perfecting their outer armour - the bullets barely left a scratch.

Panicked and out of real options Tony threw himself at the machine, going for what he knew was a weak spot because the first Iron Man suits had had the same problem until he'd managed to work out the kinks in what was undeniably a feat of genius - _not now Tony _- and compared to his intellect, Von Doom was practically a preschooler. Fingers scrabbled under the Doombot's chin, where the neck joined the head - to allow for natural head movement you had to sacrifice armour integrity which meant that the wires powering the facial display were practically exposed.

It cost him a few broken ribs and a badly burned hand but he was rewarded with the glowing orange eyes blinking out and the robot screeching as it lost its primary sense capabilities. Now that it was blind it was easy for Tony to ram a knife through the back of its neck, severing the wires connecting to its core processor. The robot dropped with a loud clang.

Reloading as quickly as he could, Tony couldn't help but feel a little proud of himself. He knew the rest of the team thought he was useless in a fight without his suit and to some extent that was true but he could hold his own when the situation called for it.

"Tony what the hell are you doing?" Steve had suddenly appeared beside him, worry etched into his face as he scanned the billionaire, taking in the mangled fingers with muted horror. "I told you to get out of here! What did you think-" he cut himself off when he saw the Doombot remains at their feet. "What happened?"

"I killed it."

"You-" The Captain looked like he was having trouble with that idea and he frowned at Tony, confusion combined with disbelief; the billionaire was almost offended. "You killed a _Doombot _without your suit. Alone."

"Just because I'm not pumped up with gamma rays or serum or whatever's in the waters on Asgard doesn't mean I'm helpless I'll have you know. My genius doesn't come from the suit." Steve looked like he was about to backtrack when he heard the slight warning note in Tony's voice but then seemed to realise that this wasn't the place for this conversation. Glancing around they took stock of what was going on around them, taking in the destruction that the robots had wrought on their city.

"You have to get out of here Tony," Steve told him urgently, watching as a stray Doombot suddenly saw them and started in their direction. "Your... _skills_ aside, you're unprotected."

"So are you. You don't have your shield with you."

"I'm a little more durable."

"I'm not going."

"Yes you _are _Stark." And there was that voice of steel that had men falling into army rows behind the man, ready to march into hell and god Tony hated it. It reminded him too much of Howard and that was never a good thing and then there was always the problem that Steve was just so responsible and the billionaire didn't do_ responsible_.

The argument didn't get the chance to get any further as the Doombot was on them then, seeming to ignore Tony entirely and focussing on what it considered the bigger threat. It might have been true but the billionaire was still offended.

Despite his fighting words though he found himself hanging back, keeping out of Steve's way as he ducked and weaved, dodging bullets and claws with ease but being unable to land any blows of his own. Tony was able to get a few shots off when it looked like it was about to get Steve, distracting it long enough for the soldier to get back in the game but they both knew that they weren't going to be able to keep this up for long. More robots could appear at any time and Steve was going to get tired eventually.

As it happened, an opportunity presented itself before anything could go wrong. The Doombot had brought down its arm with the intent of crushing Steve, who was only just able to roll out of the way in time, and by missing managed to sink his claws into the ground where they stuck fast. The robot was confused for half a second, uselessly tugging at the immobile limb and it was all they needed. Steve surged forwards and pinned the second arm while Tony repeated his earlier trick and forced his blade through its neck.

Once the robot was completely still they both breathed out shakily, nodding at each other in mutual understanding.

"They're not normally this hard to kill are they?"

"I normally just blow them up."

"Of course you do." Tony grinned at him, unrepentant.

"Hey, whatever gets the job done Capsicle. What now?"

"It's getting quieter. I think we're through the worst."

"Oh god, don't say that. Famous last words." Steve looked confused by that so Tony let it go without further comment. "We should find the others. Something isn't right here - this was too easy."

"You think that-" he pointed to the wasted Doombot "-was easy?" Tony chuckled slightly and shrugged.

"Maybe easy isn't the word. But if I was doing this, I wouldn't have sent a handful of Doombots to take on the Avengers. I'd have sent an _army. _And even if he doesn't come close to me, Von Doom isn't stupid. Something bigger is at work here, I know it."

"Let's regroup. I think I saw Natasha and Clint head that way," he said, pointing. From the other direction they heard the Hulk smashing something that sounded suspiciously like a car.

"I don't think Bruce is in right now. Maybe we'll fill him in later?" Tony suggested calmly, earning him a dirty look from Steve.

They took off without another word, automatically falling into a familiar pattern of watching each other's backs while at the same time making sure they were completely aware of their own surroundings. Steve had been right before - it was quiet. The area was clear of civilians and the sounds of fighting were almost entirely restricted to the Hulk's destructive habits.

They almost made it.

Clint and Natasha came into view just as they took down another Doombot with more finesse than Tony or Steve had managed. On closer inspection they realised that the ground surrounding the assassins was covered with the remains of the robots, some still sparking at the joints - it looked like a scene from an obscure horror movie.

Steve hurried forwards, calling out to them and sharing all their thoughts on the situation. For his part, Tony stayed where he was, a slight frown marring his face as he struggled to find the missing piece - there had to be one, otherwise this whole endeavour would have been a pointless waste of time for all involved. No, Doom wasn't that stupid. He wouldn't have drawn this much attention to himself without a reason but what could it have been? A distraction? The team hadn't been doing anything apart from a little bit of media control - hardly something that would bother a supercriminal.

Maybe he was overthinking it, overestimating his opponent but there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that something was about to go terribly wrong.

It was that same feeling that kept him from being surprised when he heard the unmistakable sound of an explosion, close enough that he felt the shock run through the air. Half a second of stunned silence and then there was another fireball rising up, this one a little further away but far larger - he could hear screaming starting up again from the still populated areas.

Steve was shouting again but Tony wasn't listening to the words; all he could see was a desert and a cave and _now is not a good time for PTSD _but he was frozen, his muscles ice under his skin. He looked towards the Captain but his heart was suddenly in his throat and he knew what was going to happen.

The explosion behind the billionaire rocked through them all, throwing the assassins and Steve backwards but they were far enough away that the only real danger to them was the small bits of debris that travelled that distance. Tony on the other hand was at much greater risk.

He felt the flames wrap around him, not feeling the heat for a long moment before he was being catapulted forwards, helpless to do anything as he was tossed around like a rag doll. There was a moment when he wondered if he was still conscious but then something smashed into the back of his head with enough force that he could have sworn he heard his skull crunch but then the world was swirling away.

Darkness.

* * *

He won't remember them pulling him from the rubble.

* * *

There are long days after that that the billionaire will never know of; days of doctors and hospitals and desperation and heartbreak and all the things that make humanity such a burden. The team is there for as much time as they can manage but Victor Von Doom has declared war on New York and they're stretched thin. Fury passes in and out a few times, as does Maria Hill but they don't stay for long. Rhodey appears as soon as he can but then S.H.I.E.L.D ask if he can fill in for Iron Man during his absence and he was never one to ignore duty when it called so he becomes as shadowy as the rest of them. Tony will never know any of this. But Pepper is there without fail and even in the darkest recesses of his mind he would like to think that he could sense her presence, her warmth.

* * *

Waking up seems more painful than he thinks it should but he soldiers through it, determined to find out what's going on and why his body feels like lead. He focuses on the warmth around his hand and uses it as a lifeline to haul himself back into reality, trying to break free from the last vestiges of darkness that clung to him like a second skin.

"Tony?" The voice was very soft but he would have known it anywhere. He could find the nerve endings for talking so he worked on squeezing the hand that was in his and he heard her startled gasp at the action. "You can hear me?" He squeezed again, surprised by how much energy such a simple action cost him. It felt like he had been asleep for days - given that he didn't know where he was or what had happened it was possible that he had.

Pepper must have called for a doctor because someone else was there all of a sudden, talking too quickly for the billionaire to follow in his addled state. Hands were touching him then, poking and prodding and he groaned at the contact, trying to move away but too exhausted to do so.

"It's alright Mr Stark, I'm just checking you over. Just relax." The voice was calm and cool, a practiced mix of concern and professionalism - Tony hated it. He groaned again, tightening his hand around Pepper's and rejoicing in the way it squeezed back reassuringly.

His head was pounding and the pain was building the longer he tried to hold onto his consciousness; a sound that was a little like a whimper escaped him.

"Are you in pain Mr Stark?"

_'Of course I am you fool, can't you tell? Can't you see that my head has been cleaved in two?' _He mentally berated the man but couldn't find a way to voice them so he settled for squeezing Pepper's hand. She conveyed the silent message to the doctor.

"I can give you something that should take the edge off for a while but not too much - you've been in a very serious condition." Tony wondered at that - he had no memory of anything that would land him in hospital so it was either something of significance, severe enough to have temporarily blanked his mind, or it was something entirely inconsequential - a drunk escapade perhaps. The confusion must have somehow shown on his face (entirely inadvertently - he couldn't have controlled his facial expression if he tried) and the doctor expanded. "You suffered a major head trauma as well as extensive bleeding. It took several of our best neurosurgeons to mend all the damage."

_'And is it all mended?' _He wanted to know but he had no way of verbalising the question and the doctor seemed to be done speaking. Panic, strong and instinctive washed through him and he trembled. His mind was all he had - what made him Tony Stark. Without it there wasn't much of him left, certainly nothing worth saving. The beeping he had recognised as a heart monitor started to increase, the machine bleating worriedly beside him.

"Tony, calm down," Pepper soothed him instantly, her free hand rubbing at his arm. "You're fine now, everything's still intact I promise." She could have been making it up of course - unable to see her face for the tell-tale blush he couldn't tell - but it was a comfort to him nonetheless. The wild beeping subsided and along with it he felt a great exhaustion was over him, pulling him down at the edges.

He surrendered to the darkness.

* * *

When Tony wakes again Pepper is still by his side, sleeping in the uncomfortable chair with her neck craned awkwardly in a way that the billionaire knew would come back to haunt the red head. Using up all of his recovered strength he reached out a bandaged hand - _'strange, I thought I'd hurt my head' _- and poked her knee. She stirred, shifting into a slightly more natural position but didn't wake.

Exhausted once more, he slipped away peacefully.

* * *

It's many more days before Tony can stay awake for any considerable amount of time. In the brief flashes of consciousness he manages to glean, he sees people fade in and out of this new, small world of his; men in dark suits and sunglasses (despite the fact that the room is perpetually gloomy and Tony is willing to bet that they can't actually see a thing) and a man Tony knows he's met before but can't name with an eyepatch that fills the space with his imposing presence, and at one stage he could have sworn he saw Captain America - _Captain America! _- lingering in the doorway. He wrote the last one down to a drug induced haze but the memory stubbornly refused to fade.

When he finally wakes up properly Pepper is at his side like always, alert this time and as soon as his eyelids flutter her finger is on the call button, his name tumbling out of her mouth like water. He blinks at her for a second as she looms closer, worry written all over her face and in a split second decision leans up to kiss her.

The movement drained him instantly but he stubbornly refused to pass out again, concentrating instead on the feel of her lips against his and trying to pretend that his own mouth didn't taste like raw eggs and vinegar. She didn't pull away for a second, lingering there as the tension drained out of her shoulders however temporarily.

Sweet as the moment was he didn't have the strength to hold himself there and he flopped back onto his pillows, his body complaining loudly at the movement. His head thundered in time with his heart.

"If you ever do anything like this again Tony I swear I'll keep you wrapped in bubble wrap forever," she warned him sternly, but with the soft smile of someone who knew that everything was alright. He smiled back at her, pleased to discover he was in control of himself again (mostly).

"This?" He questioned, his bandaged hand gesturing to the room idly. "What is this exactly?" Pepper picked up on the heavy rasp in his voice and poured a few ice chips into his mouth from a cup she produced out of thin air.

"You don't remember then? Not really a surprise. Having half of your head blown apart will do that." The venom in her voice had Tony rapidly revaluating just how upset she was right now - he winced. "You were all at a press conference, telling them that all was well when bombs started going off. No one was that badly injured in those explosions - they were designed to drive people onto the streets it would appear, where there were doombots waiting. You didn't have your suit with you but you refused to leave. _Honestly _Tony. You could have _died! _Nevermind the fact that I would have to be the one to bury you - you were far too busy thinking about your own glory!"

"I'm sure that isn't true Pep," he started but was silenced with a glare. Damn Pepper was terrifying when she wanted to be.

"The secondary bombs didn't start going off for another few minutes. These were far larger - designed to do the maximum damage. The Doombots had been a distraction to allow Victor Von Doom's men to get into the targets unnoticed and plant them. You were too close to one of the buildings when it blew." She was shaking slightly, her face pale but she didn't cry and Tony was thankful. "A lump of concrete the size of your fist collided with your head, fracturing your skull - though shattering is probably the word I'd used. I saw the scans."

Tony was speechless. No wonder Pepper was simultaneously furious and worried - she'd never liked his work as Ironman and this incident would not enamour her any more to his alter-ego. Something occurred to him then, that probably shouldn't have mattered in the light of that story but Tony Stark was never one to be content with not understanding.

"You said all. Who did you mean?"

"_What?_" Pepper blinked at him like he was insane.

"You said: _'you were all at a press conference.' _Who is the 'we?'"

"You and the team." A frown was creeping into her eyebrows and her shoulders tensed up again.

"The team? What team?"

* * *

Retrograde amnesia caused by traumatic brain injury. Possible chance of spontaneous recovery. No other treatment available.

That's what the doctor told him after poking and prodding him for the thousandth time, a sad but professional expression plastered across his face as though it wasn't just a mask and he actually gave a damn. He didn't of course, that wasn't his job. Or maybe it was but Tony wasn't feeling generous.

Pepper hadn't said a word since the doctor came into the room, letting Tony try and communicate what was wrong, shutting down into her own little world for a while until she could deal with the real one. When she surfaced a few tears escaped her silently but she brushed them away with fierce fingers.

The last thing Tony could really remember was the meeting with Fury - he had remembered the name at last - when he was told that he wasn't eligible for the Avenger's initiative. Being told that he was now an active member of the Avengers team was something of a surprise, more so when he heard the names of everyone else he apparently worked with.

Natasha Romanov. Also known as Natalie Rushman. Other aliases include Natalia Romanova and Black Widow. Tony remembered her from her brief stint as his PA and could clearly recall her betrayal of his trust and the report she had written on him - how he had ever consented to be on a team with her was beyond him.

Dr Bruce Banner - a familiar enough name though it was only now he became aware of the violent alter-ego that lurked beneath the quietly spoken man's skin. Within two minutes of meeting him, Tony decided that he liked him (Pepper had later informed him that the two of them were actually best friends and spent most of their time working together - somehow, this didn't surprise him). Though not strictly a medical man, Bruce knew enough about biology to talk the billionaire through the technical side of his amnesia with all the compassion of a professional while managing to leave out the patronising lilt to the other doctors' words.

Thor Odinson and Clint Barton were a mystery. He hadn't heard of either of them before now (except in mythology books he had flicked through in college) but Pepper informed him calmly that they all got along swimmingly, even if he knew almost nothing about Clint and Thor knew almost nothing about anything from 'Midgard.'

And then there was Steve Rogers. That face that he had idolised so much as a child and eventually grew to hate under his father's heavy hand, who smiled at him shyly and wished him well, continually asking if he was in pain or if he had remembered anything to wish Tony would return an exasperated '_no, not yet,' _complete with a glare and a huff of annoyance. The billionaire just didn't understand it. Everyone had told him that despite a rocky beginning, the two of them had worked out their differences and were now actually pretty good friends - it was only the amnesia that had them back on the rocks. But it didn't feel like that to Tony.

There was just something fundamentally incompatible with his personality and Steve's. The soldier was everything he was not; respectable, reliable, not to mention a decorated war hero. And then there was Tony, who despite the whole Iron Man persona remained a perpetual disappointment to his father's legacy and he _knew _that he drank too much and slept too little and cared too much for anyone to see. How could he possibly believe that the great Captain America would ever be his comrade, his _friend? _

The whole story sounded like one great fabrication and Tony half expected everyone to suddenly start laughing and tell him that it was just a joke. But they didn't, just kept reassuring him that he would get his memories back soon enough until the words turned hollow and meaningless.

He hated it more with each passing moment.

* * *

When the doctors told him that he could go home he spent about a minute rejoicing at the fact that he could be somewhere familiar in this world that wasn't quite _his_ world until his brain caught up with himself and the joy was wrenched from him as he realised home wasn't _home, _it was Stark Tower. The rest of his day was spent in subdued silence that worried everyone who knew him.

Arriving at the tower was surreal - he could remember the idea to build a tower in New York, powering it with an arc reactor but it had been a fantasy. He hadn't thought the idea could actually _work. _But it did and he could see himself in every line of the place, every tiny little detail that was just the way he would have designed it from the suit assembly line to the carpets in each lavishly decorated room. The tower was so obviously _him_ that he felt almost exposed looking around it, as though this was his soul brought to trial and he wasn't sure what the verdict would be; the whole thing stressed him out to the point he had to sit down for a while.

Pepper was a warm presence at his side, filling the silence by telling him all about how the team lived here now, until they could build their own headquarters, and that he had given each of them a floor (except for Clint and Natasha who shared one at their own request), as well as Bruce having his own labs on the 28th floor. Tony wasn't really listening but the soft cadences of her voice were soothing.

"What happens now, Pep?" He asked her eventually when her words had finally run dry and the quiet filled the spaces between them again. She blinked slowly, keeping her expression calm and collected.

"What do you want to happen?"

"I want to remember."

"What about in the meantime?"

"I don't know," he admitted, glaring at the floor for all he was worth. "I can't work with the Avengers, I don't _know _them."

"You do," she replied after a moment, holding up a hand to stop him from interrupting. "I know that you don't remember them but that doesn't matter. Wherever your head is at right now, you haven't changed; all the knowledge is still there. Whenever anyone else on the team was in the hospital room you relaxed - whether you noticed it or not, your body still remembers them." She started rubbing a circle on the back of one of his hands with her thumb, gripping it tightly. "No one's asking you to climb right back in your suit - in fact if you try I will make sure you regret it - but at least give them a chance? Talk to them."

"Reminding me of my past won't bring my memories back - Bruce explained that well enough to me."

"I'm not talking about getting your memories back. I'm talking about not letting your amnesia own you." She pulled him close, wrapping warm arms around him. "I almost lost you this time Tony. Please don't let it kill you."

They stayed in silence for a long, long time after that, entwined in each other's arms, seeking comfort and compassion or maybe just a lifeline to cling on to. Eventually though the real world started to catch them up and they pulled apart slowly.

"Thank you Pepper. I know that I don't say it enough; I should tell you every day how grateful I am for you. How lucky."

"It _is _my job you know," she told him, smiling fondly.

"No it isn't. You're just kind hearted enough to put up with it anyway, without complaint. You really are incredible and you don't even know it."

"Now you're just flattering me."

"And yet it's all true." He pressed a kiss to her lips softly before standing and looking around the penthouse as though it would suddenly present him with answers. "I think that first, I'm going to catch up on everything I'm missing. At least then I'll have some idea what everyone is talking about at any given time."

"I should check in with the board and get them up to speed. They do hate it when they're left out of the loop."

"I say we fire them all."

"We can't do that Tony."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because isn't an answer."

"Yes it is."

"Please can we fire them?"

"Goodbye Tony," she called over her shoulder as she slid into the lift elegantly. And then with a final, warm smile she was gone and he was left alone.

* * *

True to his word, the billionaire spent the next few hours reading through as much data as Jarvis could find about all the major events that had happened in the time of his memory lapse. He focussed on all the articles about the Chitauri attack - _'aliens in New York?' _- but also spent time reading up on his team members.

Fury had - under some duress - allowed him access to all the Avenger files (though large portions of Natasha's and Clint's were redacted). Tony could have hacked into the files himself but this way saved him time and didn't class him as a criminal.

Some details seemed a little familiar but it was strange, thoughts that would appear as silently as smoke and were just as hard to catch, only for them to disappear off again into the ether of his mind. But there were other things, tiny scraps of information that should mean nothing but to him meant everything simply because he _knew _them. Like how he knew that Bruce's favourite colour was purple and Natasha had this thing about the smell of antiseptic that made her go pale and shaky. With muted awe, Tony realised that Pepper had been right - _'when has she ever been wrong?' _- and that even though he didn't remember the team, he still _knew _them. It was written into his very cells.

* * *

It was a few days before Tony worked out that most of the team was avoiding him. They were all busy with S.H.I.E.L.D work most of the time but in the spaces between their missions they would retreat to their own floors silently and wouldn't appear again until summoned. Once the billionaire had noticed he decided it irritated him.

Bruce and Natasha were the exceptions to the rule. Banner would spend a lot of time in the lab with Tony, helping him decipher his own notes that he had no recollection of writing - it would seem that before the attack Tony had been working on 28 different projects, 22 of which were in areas of completely undiscovered science. Jarvis explained what he could but the billionaire had never shared everything that was going on in his head and so there were some files that made absolutely no sense to anyone. Natasha didn't even seem fazed by this new, out-of-place Tony, she just took it all in stride, assuring him once that he had completely forgiven her for her 'betrayal' and then never mentioning it again. He wasn't sure what to make of it.

The rest of the team? Thor spent most of his free time in New Mexico anyway apparently, with his girlfriend - how on Earth a Norse god/prince found a girlfriend he did not know - so that wasn't so out of the ordinary. Clint had managed to explain through Natasha that he just needed some time to work out the man that stood in place of his friend and not to take it personally. Tony decided to just let that one go.

But Steve was something else entirely. He wouldn't make eye contact with the billionaire even in the rare moments when he deigned to speak with him, staring instead at a point somewhere over his shoulder. He would only speak directly to Tony if there was no other choice, and when there was he would somehow manage to speak through someone else in such a way that even the genius was left confused as to what had just happened. He didn't understand it and even though he didn't know the soldier, he felt almost betrayed - everyone kept saying that they were friends and yet in his hour of need he had been abandoned.

_'Let him hide,' _he told himself sternly. _'I don't need him. I never did.' _Captain America hadn't been there in his childhood and so it was only logical that he wasn't here now.

Pepper had told him to give him some time but promised that she would speak to Steve. Almost a week later and there had been no change - Tony tried to tell himself that he was a fool for hoping.

* * *

Tony was alone when the call from Fury came in, his gruff voice ringing through the silence in a way that grated at his nerves.

"You know that this is the worst idea I've ever heard? I'm still on medical leave technically."

"Don't get witty with me Stark, I really haven't got the patience." That sounded true enough - the director's voice was filled with enough venom to put him six feet under. "Put on the damn suit and go and help your team."

"I haven't flown once since I woke up. I've not even looked at my new suits - I have no idea how they work or what they can do. I'd be a liability in a fight, not a help I assure you."

"Figure it out then!" There was a brief pause where Tony imagined Fury was drawing a calming breath. "We think that Agent Romanov is down and we have absolutely no idea where Barton is. The last message from the Captain sounded desperate. Please Stark. They _need _you."

He didn't know if it was the 'please' that got him or the sheer desperation in the man's voice but Tony found himself crossing to the suit assembly line and following Jarvis' instructions. As the metal plates fastened around him he idly wondered at just how strange his life had become and then he was flying.

Now _this _he knew. This was familiar ground. God, he hadn't realised quite how much he missed bulleting through the air, wind whistling around him in beautiful melodies. On the way he had Jarvis instruct him in the newer suit functions - most of it was the same from earlier models but there were new weapons and the handling was slightly upgraded so that he found himself overcompensating in corners when he didn't need to, leading to a few close scrapes with buildings.

By the time he arrived at his destination he was mostly up to speed, even if he was a little rusty. Looking around, he realised just what Fury had been talking about; the whole area was decimated. Electricity crackled in the air and he saw Thor on the rooftop of a building just off to his right and he jetted over to him.

"Man of Iron!" He called out in a surprised greeting, raising his hammer in salute. "I am glad you have returned!"

Tony watched in fascination as the demigod shot a blast of lighting, taking out one of the Doombots on the street below. He'd seen it in countless videos of course, but first hand was something quite different.

"What's going on then big man? Fill me in."

"We received word that these metal men would attack and managed to clear the area before they struck but then we were overrun. We had not accounted for there being so many." While they spoke they were hurling lighting and repulsor blasts alike down into the streets, taking out the robots where they could and slowing down others. "I have not seen the Captain or the Hawkeye since this began."

"And Black Widow? Fury said they had lost contact."

"Last I saw she was holding her own in the warehouse at the end of that street," he said, pointing to the building in question. Firing up his repulsors, Tony took to the sky again.

"I'd best go check on her. Try and find the others!" He called back to the demigod, who just nodded distractedly, swinging his hammer around and taking off like a flash.

The warehouse where he found Natasha was torn apart, boxes filled with unidentifiable bits of metal were strewn across the floor, mingled with body parts of countless Doombots. The Widow had been busy it seemed. The woman herself was still standing but it looked like a close thing, even as she took down another robot with a hoarse roar. Another one leapt for her but he blasted it away with a well aimed shot, announcing his presence with a volley of missiles at the remaining machines, obliterating them.

"Fancy seeing you here," he called out, waving.

"Stark? What on Earth are you doing out here?" Even from here he could see that she was trembling, her face grey with exhaustion.

"Saving your beautiful behind it would seem. So, how are things?" She threw a lump of Doombot at him but it fell well short of her mark. "We need to get you out of here, you won't last much longer." Her faced darkened with offence.

"I can hold my own. I don't need to be saved Stark."

"Not saying you do. Not yet. But we're getting nowhere, fast. We need to regroup and plan this out."

"I think we're a bit beyond planning if you hadn't noticed-" she started but was cut off when he simply grabbed her, ignoring the way she stabbed her Widow's Sting at him (his files had told him that he had designed them himself and that they were completely ineffectual against the suit). When he deposited her next to Thor on his new rooftop, he did his best to shut out the slew of abuse that she threw at him while scanning the surrounding area for more life signs.

The Hulk flashed by in a blur of green, pausing only to roar delightedly at the sight of the red and gold suit before rampaging onwards with more ferocity than before.

_"Sir, there appears to be two human heat signatures 220 meters to your left,"_ Jarvis informed him and a little flashing dot appeared on his HUD. Shouting out a very brief explanation to the others he jetted off again, dipping down to street level along the way to take out some more of the Doombots. He didn't think it was possible for Von Doom to have made quite so many of the damn things - he must have a impressive resources.

When he reached the signal he was grateful to see Clint and Steve, apparently unharmed, fighting back to back against a whole host of the metal soldiers; they were doing impressively well but they looked just as tired as Natasha and their luck wasn't endless. With a roar, Tony joined the fray, blasting the Doombots apart like a man possessed. He wasn't quite sure why he was feeling so protective of two men he could remember saying three or four words to at most but it was there nonetheless, burning a hole in his gut.

"Iron Man! You shouldn't be here!"

"Everyone seems to keep saying that and yet here I am," he returned, not looking around to see who had called out to him. "And for now, that seems like a good thing."

"I must admit, the timing isn't half bad." That had to be Clint - Steve just didn't talk like that (at least from the little Tony knew about the man).

"We're regrouping on a rooftop about four streets over. Move yourselves!" They didn't question the order at all, just took off running without another word; Tony felt a warmth grow in his belly and spread through him as he blasted the last few Doombots in their way. It might have been quicker for him to have grabbed the two of them and flown them there but that would mean that both of his palm repulsors would have been occupied and they would have been wide open for attack; as it was it didn't matter and they all made it to the roof without incident.

"So what now?" Clint asked as they huddled on the edge of the space, those who could (namely Thor, Tony and the archer himself) still fending off the attackers on the streets below.

"Well _I _don't know," Tony shot back with a frown that they couldn't see. "In my current state I think I'm the least qualified person here to be making plans."

"Whatever we do, we have to do it quickly," Natasha told them, fiddling with one of her guns that looked like it was trashed beyond repair. Tossing it away in annoyance she looked down at the robots that the others were still trying to desperately repel. "_Where _do they keep coming from?"

"Shouldn't we be sending out a call to S.H.I.E.L.D round about now?" Tony asked, sending out another wave of rockets and struggling to re-stabilise himself from the concussive blast; he was seriously out of practice.

"Doom's been blocking our radios somehow - we can't get the message out," Steve supplied, looking like he was thinking so hard his brain hurt.

"Jarvis, get on that. Try all frequencies Fury might be listening for and work out where the jammer is coming from. No doubt that's were all these things keep appearing from."

"Right away sir," the English voice replied calmly and Tony heard the faint whirring of the processors.

The Hulk stopped beside them briefly, announcing his presence before jumping away again like a child in a playground - there was something hilariously childish about the Hulk that Tony found endearing (no matter how ridiculous that may seem - he was Tony Stark, all he _did _was ridiculous).

For half a second the billionaire was seeing the Hulk crouched over him, roaring at the sky while Thor and Steve looked on with relieved smiles across their faces. A phantom pain shot through his chest and he dropped onto the roof from where he had been hovering with a thump that shook the concrete, gasping wildly for breath as detached terror rushed through his system.

"Wha-?!" He gasped out, feeling his whole body tremble.

"Tony! What's wrong?" Steve was beside him, hands on his shoulders even though the billionaire couldn't feel anything through the strong metal plating.

"I think-" he stopped, his head pounding viciously for a second as an image of a man dressed in leather and metal taunted a camera through a wall of glass flickered through his mind's eye. "I'm _remembering_," he ground out through gritted teeth. "I think I'm remembering the Chitauri attack."

Steve was talking beside him, low and urgently as he glanced around wildly at the fight going on around them. Some Doombots had finally managed to get past their defences and onto the roof and though they were being repelled for now, they couldn't hold them off forever.

_'Not now Tony. Concentrate on what's happening right now. Worry about the past when you know that you have a future.' _His thoughts snapped together suddenly with a jolt that was almost painful.

"Sir, I've located the source of the jamming signal and have hacked into the network. You should be able to transmit a message to S.H.I.E.L.D now," Jarvis told him, showing him all the data on the HUD.

"Brilliant. Steve, call Fury and tell him to send in the cavalry," he called out to the soldier who had left his side to take down a Doombot that Natasha had been having trouble with.

"Where are you going?"

"To find some way of stopping this!" And with that he was gone.

* * *

The signal had been coming from further away than Tony might have liked but it didn't really make much difference he supposed; the range of the jammer was impressive though. Maybe he owed Doom more credit than he had given him.

The warehouse itself only showed one human heat signature but Jarvis could detect very low level radiation consistent with Doombot emissions - and judging by the spread Victor had an army around himself. Tony sent all the data he had gathered down a secure line to the helicarrier just before he burst through one of the old windows, showering the occupants with pieces of glass. Doom was easy enough to spot - he was the only one that ducked to avoid the shards - but between the billionaire and him there had to be at least thirty Doombots.

"Why don't you come on out and play Victor?" Tony shouted across the space to him, letting his visor snap up so that he could face the man properly. "Set aside these little toys of yours."

"And fight _you?_ You must think me mad."

"...Pretty much, yeah." That apparently didn't dignify a response because the next thing he knew was that the first robots were advancing on him, claws already reaching out with electricity sparking between their metal fingers. "Battle classification Jarvis," he ordered instantly, his visor slamming down. "Target all vital points. We need to keep this short."

"Of course sir."

"For all your genius Stark, you cannot win against me!" Victor was crowing from the back, clearly confident in his numbers. Tony had to resist the urge to start throwing insults back but as luck would have it he was a little preoccupied at that moment in time. His automatic targeting system had been vastly improved it would seem and he ushered silent praise to the man he had been before for such a brilliant piece of technology (it wasn't narcissism if you couldn't remember doing it) but he was still outnumbered. And sure, the Doombots weren't a patch on the suit but they still packed a punch and Tony knew that he was going to be in real trouble if he didn't think about this.

He took out the first few with well aimed blasts but he had to keep his distance or they'd tear him to pieces. Throwing himself into the air he shot out of the window he'd entered through, his HUD informing him that most of Victor's guards followed him, jetpacks leaving heat signatures behind that made tracking the criminal annoyingly difficult.

"Fury, you there?"

"We're here. Would you mind telling me what the hell you think you're doing?" Damn he sounded dangerous when he was angry. Stark winced.

"My job, last anyone told me. Though I'm still a little fuzzy on the details so you'll have to forgive me."

"You went off _alone._"

"I work alone. Or I did last I remember. I don't play well with others; you must remember Natasha's report, surely?"

"Things have changed since then."

"Well, regardless. Can we hash this out later? I could use a hand down here." As he spoke he performed a tight aerial manoeuvre that hurt pretty much every part of him, dragging a groan out of his throat. A few of his pursuers failed to make the turn and smashed into the earth in a dramatic ball of fire which he guessed was something of a result.

"They're on their way. Is Von Doom himself there?"

"He was in the warehouse. Haven't exactly been able to keep an eye on him but he can't have gotten far. If he thinks he's about to kill me he'll want to watch it with his own eyes."

"I thought you couldn't remember who he was."

"I can't. Not as a supercriminal anyway. But he's smart and so he's not going to trust someone to finish off a chess piece like me without having some kind of proof. Plus I'm getting the impression he's a vindictive bastard."

"Don't let anyone call you stupid."

"From what I gather, that's as close as you ever come to a compliment. I'm flattered." There wasn't a reply to that and Tony chuckled to himself, blasting apart another two Doombots with his palm repulsors, leaving only a handful on his tail plus however many had stayed with Von Doom. Just as he thought that he heard a strange mechanical sound, like an engine of a jet but quieter - familiar to him even though he couldn't ever recall hearing one.

_'A quinjet. I looked over the blueprints. No way Doom got his hands on one of them.' _

Circling around, he threw himself towards the source of the noise, hoping against hope that he was right and the machine wouldn't just shoot him out of the sky because wouldn't that just be the perfect end to this crappy day. As it happens, he was right. The quinjet let him fly right past but as soon as he was out of the way they opened fire on the last of the Doombots on his tail, dropping all but one that Tony took care of with the last of his missiles. It seemed somewhat poetic.

He hovered in front of the windshield of the jet, waving back when Clint saluted him.

"Stark, don't you _ever _fly off like that again!" Steve shouted at him and Tony was a little embarrassed to admit that he jumped at the sound of the voice right in his ear (even though he had been told about the communicators, they hadn't been working in the fight so he hadn't yet used them. Truth be told, he'd forgotten all about the things). Deciding that he couldn't be bothered with this argument right now he just turned himself in the direction of the warehouse and zoomed off again, mainly as a silent 'fuck you,' ignoring the cursing he could hear over his comm.

"What was that about me not winning?" Tony asked as he landed heavily on the warehouse floor. Doom's hands didn't pause in their mad dash across the keyboard, his brow furrowed as he desperately tried to finish whatever it was he was doing. "Come on Victor, give it up!" A long second stretched before the criminal pulled away from the technology in front of him, motioning for the remaining Doombots to stand down.

"Enjoy your victory while it lasts Stark. This isn't the last you will hear from me."

"No doubt. And the next time you feel the need to try and take New York I'll still be here to kick your ass." The rest of the Avengers had gathered at his shoulders and he could hear the sounds of more quinjets outside, presumably full of agents ready to Von Doom into custody but then the sound was fading and the room seemed to be growing dimmer. No one else seemed to notice as Clint and Natasha moved forwards to subdue their foe but Tony could feel his whole body tensing as stress coiled in his gut.

With a confused sort of horror he watched as the lights flickered out, plunging the room into darkness; his HUD should have switched to infrared vision but it felt like the whole thing had shut down around him and _oh god _he couldn't hear anything and he couldn't see and shouldn't someone be doing something right about now, what was going on? His heart was racing out of control but he was barely aware of the panic flooding him.

Detached voices were suddenly mumbling in his ear, indistinct and faint until one voice spoke out over the others, crystal clear: Steve.

_"I told you that you weren't a hero." _Tony was seeing stars and city lights and he felt the chill of evening settle on his skin. _"I said that everything you did was for yourself." _And then his own voice was in his head, assuring the phantom Steve not to worry about it and he could almost feel the knives of hurt half remembered sliding between his ribs like ice. Was he still standing? He couldn't really tell. _"I was wrong. You... you saved us, all of us – no superpowers, no training, nothing – and you saved us all."_

Tony didn't quite know what was happening. This had to be a memory but the last time he'd remembered something it hadn't blocked out the rest of the world and he'd been able to snap out of it with enough effort but now he was trapped, unable to break out of this shadowy past.

The words faded back into the muffled hum of before until Pepper's voice was ringing through his head, high and clear and soft, whispering sweet nothings and bringing the feeling of arms wrapped around him and the smell of peppermints. A deep well of contentment settled within him and he clung on desperately to the sensation, unwilling for it to fade away.

But it did and he felt all the more cold in its absence.

More voices, times and places that he shouldn't have know filtered through him in a cacophony until it took all his will power to keep himself above the rising tide, but then, he couldn't last forever.

The final words he heard before he was overrun were Pepper's, softly dripping into his thoughts like petals.

_'I love you. And I always will.'_

* * *

Waking up wasn't the slow affair it had been after he had been injured - it more consisted of him jerking up from the mattress with half a yell in his throat and hands curled tight into fists. The commotion he managed to make had Bruce darting through the door, his face pale but calm and very different from the previous green hue that Tony had last seen.

"You've finally woken up then. Thank god. I was a little worried Pepper was going to string Fury up if it didn't happen soon."

"I- But- What?" He said after a moment, blinking sleep out of his eyes and trying to catch up with what was going on while his mind struggled to reboot.

"When we captured Von Doom you just collapsed. No warning, you just dropped. I think that saying the others were alarmed is a bit of an understatement."

"My spontaneous collapse didn't concern you?"

"I was preoccupied. The Other Guy was worried on my behalf." Tony found that the comment drew a laugh out of him for no other reason than it seemed his friend was beginning to accept his other persona.

_'Wait. _Beginning_ to?' _And that was all it took for him to suddenly recall just why he had been collapsing and he gasped slightly in shock, feeling himself pale.

"Tony?" Bruce was at his side in a moment. "Calm down. Breathe."

"Don't I normally say that to you?" He joked, a breezy laugh escaping him as childish glee bubbled in his stomach. He felt lightheaded. "In fact I did. Those exact words about three and half months ago in a team meeting with Fury when Agent Hill mentioned General Ross in relation to... something unimportant, I'm sure."

"He was trying to build a personal army Tony, I hardly thi-" And then he stopped, blinking at the billionaire who shot him the brightest smile he could manage, not even bothered by the joyful tears that pricked the back of his eyes. A slow, creeping smile began to spread across the Doctor's face as wordless understanding passed between them. "Everything?"

"Down to the last second, so far as I can tell." Bruce's hands were gripping his shoulders tightly, pure delight for his friend shining out of his very skin.

"That's _amazing _Tony." His voice was completely sincere, without even the slightest undercurrent of anything other than happiness. It was refreshing in a world full of liars and cheats; it was exactly why he'd taken to the man - he was honest.

"Is Pepper around? I need to give her... well everything. My money, my tower, the moon if that's what she wants."

"I don't think the moon is yours to give exactly, is it?" A light voice called from the doorway and Tony looked around to see the red head he loved so dearly leaning there, a fond smile dancing on her face. "Besides, if you're in the giving mood I'd rather you gave me a promise."

"Anything."

"Don't ever do anything like that again."

"Anything like...? Could you possibly be more specific?" As he spoke Bruce patted his shoulder, still smiling before quietly escaping the room to give them their privacy.

"Like running off to fight despite strict medical orders, without even telling me that you were going." Tony reached for her and she relented slightly from her stiff pose, crossing the room and joining him on the bed, allowing his strong arms to tuck her into his side.

"I promise. I didn't want to go but Fury told me that the others were in trouble and... I had to do something Pep."

"I know."

"We caught Doom. That means something."

"It does."

"It doesn't make it better, does it?"

"Not really."

"How about if I told you something that cheered you up?" She looked up at him questioningly. "See, I don't quite know what happened in the fight - maybe I got hit on the head or something again - but everything seems to have just... fallen into place." He shot her a meaningful look that went completely over her head.

"What are you talking about? If you've hurt yourself again I will lock you in this room until I think you've learned your lesson."

"Don't worry, I'm fine."

"Apart from the collapsing thing. The doctors are somewhat baffled about that - everything seems to be in working order. How do you feel?" Now she looked worried again and Tony almost kicked himself.

_'Come on. Simple sentences. Just tell her.'_

"That's the thing," he announced with a grin. "_Everything _is in working order. Somehow, by some miracle, everything is a-okay." His grin widened into a proper smile but Pepper was still frowning at him.

"Tony, I don't-"

"Pepper, I can _remember! _Everything! Before, after, during... It's all back and I don't know how or why or if it's even possible but it's all there. Good as new." The red head was silent for a good long minute and a half, blinking at him as thoughts whirled around in her head and then she was kissing him, her body pressed into every line of his and damn this had to be the best moment of his life.

* * *

They didn't really speak again, not until the heat had faded between them and they both lay still and quiet beneath the covers, entwined in each other.

"I'm so happy Tony."

"Well, I am _very _good," he told her with a sly grin. She wiggled a hand free to slap him very lightly but she was laughing contentedly, basking in the afterglow.

"I thought that I might be losing you."

"Pepper, I could forget every single thing - from the Avengers to my own name - but I would never stop loving you. If I forget you, then there is nothing left of me." He said it lightly but he meant every word and Pepper knew just how hard it was for him to say something like that, to admit just how deeply he cared for her. She traced kisses along his jaw line.

"You're everything I want Tony. I couldn't forget you either."

"After a night like that, I'm not really surprised," he replied, snapping back into joking billionaire. She slapped him again.

* * *

When the pair eventually emerged from their den they found that the rest of the team were lingering in the tower, idly whiling away the time. It also became very clear that Bruce had filled them in on Tony's revelation because the first thing that happened was Natasha walking up to him and giving him a hug.

The whole room went very still as she just held him for a moment before letting go and leaving the room without a word. Pepper followed her, knowing that this moment was for the team.

"What just happened exactly?"

"Maybe she missed you." Clint looked like he was about to crack up.

"I feel like I should be wary of her for some time."

"Probably," Clint nodded, looking almost sorry for him. "Look, about the last couple of weeks... I'm really-"

"If you dare finish that sentence with the word 'sorry' I will hurl your bow off the top of this tower," Tony warned, pointing a finger at him. The archer pointedly closed his mouth. "What happened over the last few weeks was an impossible situation for everyone but now it's behind us and if it's at all possible, I'd quite like to move on with our lives."

"You want to forget it ever happened?" Steve sounded like he thought Tony was insane.

"Very poor choice of words there Cap." The blonde flinched as he realised what he had just said. "I don't want to forget anything - ever - again but my mind is only so brilliant, it's bound to happen eventually. However, there is a difference between forgetting and forgiving. Don't you dare feel guilty about any of this."

"I abandoned you Tony," Steve stressed, looking at the floor like he was just waiting for an execution blow to fall.

"Like I said, it was an impossible situation. Besides, it wasn't like I even really knew who you were - had you appeared before me and tried to be my friend I'd probably have just punched you on principle. In case you'd forgotten, we didn't get off to a flying start." The Captain just looked at him for a minute before nodding slowly, his eyes clearing of the guilt that had plagued them.

"Alright then. Now what?"

"I'm thinking schwarma. It seems fitting." Steve rolled his eyes and Barton chuckled. Thor, who had been sitting in the corner silently stood and clapped a hand to his shoulder hard enough that he almost fell over.

"I am glad you have returned Man of Iron. Your presence has been missed."

And damn it if that wasn't the kind of thing Tony had been waiting his whole life to hear.

* * *

_All the dialogue Tony remembered from Steve is from my other story 'An Avenger's Apologies.'_

_This is the longest single chapter of anything I've ever written by a good few thousand words. So, oops. Sorry. It got a bit strange nearer the end cause I was having a bit of difficulty but I hope that it wasn't too hard to get through. _

_Now, I've written easily enough so I'll shut up. I hope you enjoyed it and please don't hesitate to tell me what you thought!_


End file.
